Despondent

Been really disappointed with myself lately. The 3 major factors are

1. My goals aren't evergreen but are ever changing

2. I'm not supposed to regret what I do/say but I can't help it

3. I can't seem to freaking concentrate



1.

My goals keeps changing everyday. There never seems to be a firm one that I could be resolute in. From before poly, I wanted to be the best, the best out of every aspect I can be. As time progresses, I transcend from a determined man to a poly-slacker boy. Not only for academics, my other goals in other aspects also keeps on changing. I've really had it, I want a firm solid objective to work at. I really can't seem to find any. I'm asking God, what am I mould out to do? Where is my end point? I really want something to work towards to. I feel like a lost person bewildered by a change of lifestyle. Give me something to run towards.


2.

I keep regrets everyday upon reflection. I tried to be a man without regrets but I just can't. For example, today in school, for ITR module, I regretted not putting in my best for the powerpoint slide. Even though it wasn't graded, I still could have done more and minimize the disappointment in Eliver Lin. Also, I regretted being impatient after ITR class to go munch. I shoulda been more patient. Did I regret giving the girls those seats at the nice air-con area? I kinda a little did when the guys decided to go outside to eat rather than take the 5-seat table. But in the end it was good. There are much more but I'll feel more terrible naming each one out.


3.

Seriously, my attention span is less than 5 minutes. I can't seem to concentrate on studying after school with YQ and Marven. Even in other areas other than study, even sometimes gaming, I can't seem to find the spot where I can fully immerse myself without getting distracted.





I feel a ton weighing on me. This burden I'm unable to locate the nip of it. How do you solve something that you can't even find the question or the problem? I also realize I should stop being a dog. I should place others first before me. Its not easy but I'll try. I wasn't taught all that for nothing. I have to apply what I try to be. I need to start thinking of others before myself coz I've been too self-centered.

The numbers of hope indeed.

And Then My Soul Saw You And It Kinda Went, "Oh There You Are...I've Been Looking For You..." -Snickerpie